That Purple Wolfie Thing

I have been looking around for another furry who lives solely by the sells of their artwork who is single and lives alone/ has no other contributing household members.

Does anyone know anyone like that? O_o

It does not exist to me.

It would seem despite my best attempts I can't narrow down everything I own to three suitcases. I could however, do it in 4, but I do not have another $50 for a fourth bag. Does anyone know of any coupons with the airline Southwest?

He's got 1,000+ friends and no one wants to talk to him. Maybe because he insults them by posting things like this:



Turns out I'm a bitch.

I can't get out of bed.
I'm so depressed.

Wither my Mom is right that my Dad physically abused her while I was cooking in the oven or Dad was right that Mom is a clumsy moron who dropped a TV on me (or some genius parenting combo of the two happened) the fact is that I have Cerebral Palsy. I have physical brain damage that dramatically effects the function of the left side of my body. In my childhood, basic functions such as walking were an uphill battle as it took multiple surgeries and the tremendous dedication of physical therapists to get my leg cooperating with the rest of me and none of those things went very smoothly.

Not too shockingly, I was a little shit when I was younger, I was angry, enough so that when I first learned of the possible existence of God I began a two year hunt to find him... so I could kick His ass. I don't think I was very inspiring to those around me, like many heart-of-gold children with disabilities who make it on TV that are loving and 'fight' to be functioning members of society, and where you might picture my first steps bringing tears of joy to people... really it just meant I could reach more shit to destroy in my anger. I never fully understood what was happening to me, which I dub as being the biggest problem, and I took out my confusion on everyone - I beat the crap out of my brother and sister, my parents, my therapist and even one of my teachers in the second grade.

And as if I didn't have enough to hate about myself and the world around me I struggled to function in, the doctors messed up during one of my surgeries and then tried to kill me by prescribing an overdose of pain killers. No one knew what to do with me after that and as I once again began the fight to do the basics the world around me collapsed as my parents started the now 17 year long War against each other that began with their divorce. It was at this time that I met my Grandmother, whose real names I don't think I will ever know, who apparently knew exactly what to do with a little physically disabled turd like myself...

The short answer is 'slap her' and the long answer is 'sit her down and fucking explain what the hell is going on to her'. It's really easy to be frustrated when you have no idea what is going on, why you can't seem to do things others do with ease and why you're treated so differently. Walking is an interesting function, while it mostly involves putting one foot in front of the other a huge part of it revolves around developing a goal.. a reason to get up. Wither it be as simple as 'getting up so you're not pooping in your computer chair' or as complex as 'getting up so you're able to participate in the rest of society', there's always that 'call to stand'.

Really, someone sitting me down to just explain crap to me is what changed me from hopeless, angry child to hopeful, angry child. I don't actually know to this day if I genuinely stopped being angry at the fact I was disabled or just found other things to be angry at...

1.  Josh is a friend out of habit
2. people are exhausted with me
3. people are disappointed in me
4. people regret becoming close to me
5. people regret helping me
6. marriage is about legal rights and money
7. my choices confuse people
8. I will never be in control of my life
9. only people who are bad with money end up filing for bankruptsy
10. fruits, veggies and meat are foods only better people can have
11. apple juice, orange juice and cranberry juice are for special occassions
12. I'm not equal to people with more money than I have
13. I have no right to feel good if someone has to help me
14. I will always drive the people I love the most away
15. I'm mostly helpless to lose weight because I don't understand how my body works

So, here's a list of things I kind of actually believe to be true. I'm trying to debunk them. The one about Josh was debunked last night when he pointed out that he's never put up with any bad habits. I guess I have to work on the others.

Here's the deal, I should be working by the end of the month, so hazzah for that. However, since dumping FWA and FCN (conventions, which were my only job) I've not paid rent or bills in 2 months and I also have a phone bill coming up I need to pay to keep my cellphone on.

I really don't want people to think that I'm going to take on a whole bunch of new commissions and forget about my old ones. That's not even remotely true - I've been working hard to organize and deliver on my over due list. I just... I have to make money some how.

Rather than open up for a handful of larger commissions, I'm opening up for things I can do quickly, in high quantity, that don't take up a lot of time. I've decided to do avatars!
 
example:

You will pay after I get the avatar done but before I show it to you unless you insist on otherwise (some people do). This is not paypal only, you can mail me money and this is going to be open all month so you can get on the list now for whatever date you have going on.

To get a slot please comment saying so and link a visual reference. (If you honestly don't have a visual ref. that's ok, remember it's just your face so comment with that description). I want to collect everyone in this journal. The turn around time will be 7 days/ 1 week, so if you jump in today you will get it by next Sunday if not sooner (the idea is to do a few each day along side my scheduled deadlines).

PLEASE COMMENT IN THIS JOURNAL IF YOU ARE INTERESTED (also I have some discount prices for those in waiting on my commission list already): http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1330149/

I dunno what I'm suppose to do. I've been hunting for work since I got here and only had one interview. I stopped going to conventions to try to get some of my backlog done and then a bunch of crap happened - AGAIN!

I'm just not sure what exactly I'm suppose to do any more.

I've been thinking of selling $10 avatars - one of those deals where you get in line and if I complete it THEN I get paid. I don't want to piss people off but I've not really made any money now for two months! My cellphone is about to be shut off, I've not paid rent or bills...

...

Would it just royally destroy my reputation right now if I tried to open up for $10 avatars? I just... feel backed up against a wall at this point. I only have one useful skill it would appear.

I feel kind of like... things will never change. It's infuriating. Especially since everything I did at the start of last year was to get to a place where my future husband and I would be in a good place. YES, I played a LOT of truck cards last years and I did a lot of risky things but there was a point I was trying to get to. It wasn't blindly doing things just because... there was a goal. An end point.

Now, it's gone. Just... gone. All of it. Like it was all for nothing.

Ggurrr

This poem has got to be the best one I've ever read. I know what's it's about, in fact I know the details of it but it just can apply so much to my own experiences and especially the ones I suffer from right now. Please, read...

http://tragedyorblessing.wordpress.com/2010/01/24/love-my-fear/

It's emotional.